NARRATIO FIDEI... by Fr. Austin Hughes
Don’t they say everywhere: “Isn’t he a lucky man to be so full of self-confidence! Everything seems easier for him!” What can we say about the man who has confidence in his God? He is jubilant and can lift mountains! “To believe is to have confidence” the Swiss Theologian Karl Barth used to say.
“Look, he is the God of my salvation: I shall have faith and not be afraid, for Yahweh is my strength and my song, he has been my salvation.’” (Is 12,2)
“Go ahead! Always be brave, open your heart a little more, have much trust in God, and believe that he will bless you in so far as you trust Him. You are in a wonderful position to do good. Do what you can in the best way you know, and leave the rest to God as a humble and useless servant, and you will see that all will be well...”
(From a letter to a Superior of the Sisters of the Cross, letter nr. 97)
Narratio... What do these texts say to me?
The Isaiah verse (12.2) is also the text of a popular hymn in English composed by the Benedictine monks of Weston Priory. The monks add the following verse to the refrain (12.3): I sing of the joy that his love gives to me, and I draw deeply from the springs of his great kindness. These lines have a part of my prayer and liturgy ever since I was ordained in 1977. They help in times of trial or distress. In the last few months our community at Olton has known some heavy stresses and strains, and verses like these have been a reminder to me of God’s loving care.
The lines from St. Michael are a wonderful encouragement to trust, which is something that comes hard when I feel under threat. The simple line : ‘You are in a wonderful position to do good’ is a reminder to me of the.. privileges I have been given .. in ministry .. community .. in the church ... among friends etc.... to share God’s message of hope and love. What I am finding more and more as I enter the second half of my life, is that God even uses my past mistakes to good purpose. Nothing is wasted! When I and others minister to the many people whose lives have been broken and misspent, it is a sign of hope for them to know that God uses even the debris of our past for his own good purposes and that anything in our past that we think of as a handicap can be used (as it was in the lives of Zacchaeus, Thomas, Levi, etc.) to build bridges of hope for others.
Which aspects have had a major impact on my personal story as religious of Betharram?
The encouragement to be brave or be unafraid is one I frequently return to, partly because I am naturally a cautious person, and partly because I fear making mistakes. Back in 2008 when I was unexpectedly appointed Regional Superior, I felt very afraid, inadequate and very alone. As we are directed in the scriptures I asked advice of a few wise people including a neighbouring priest much respected as a spiritual director. He asked me the simple question: ‘has God ever let you down in the past?’ When I responded ‘no’ then he said ‘well, he won’t let you down in the future will he?’
This simple assurance from someone unfamiliar with St.Michael put me on track with trust, a key virtue for St. Michael.
How do I try to live what these extracts show me?
When the demons of fear assail me, then I return to three things: memory, prayer and song. Firstly the memories of all the good things that God has done for me in the past are a way of reconnecting with a sense of God’s power and his care. Secondly prayer (especially the Examen) reinforces this, when I recall all the things to thank him for and the ways in which he speaks to me day by day. Thirdly music has always been important to me and I frequently sing to myself songs and psalms that remind me of God’s power and protection. A chorus from one such song (found in both Micah and Isaiah) is a favourite of mine:
Current political correctness discourages us from using the name Yahweh in public but I still sing it to myself in private!
On what do I feel driven to focus my attention?
Currently I feel driven to focus in the joy of Christian living, and the joy in our vocation. Without joy our witness is lacking. But joy is something deep not superficial. It is not just about laughing out loud (though that helps!) but rather about a deep contentment with who I am and where I am. I come to admire more and more those lay people I minister to, who are carrying very heavy burdens (a handicapped child … an alcoholic son … a life-threatening illness, etc.) and who can still smile and be at peace with themselves. I find myself ‘evangelised’ by them and they reinforce my religious vocation.
What prayer is all this meditation inspiring to me?
The prayer I am frequently driven to, is a variation of a prayer of St.Ignatius, that is very popular in 12-step fellowships, which is all about handing over our lives to God’s care and asking him to use us with all our faults and failings for the good of others:
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