Narratio Fidei of Father Biju Anthony Panthalukkaran scj

“As a body is one though it has many parts, and all the parts of the body, though many, are one body, so also Christ. (1co 12.12)

“Father, Son and Holy Spirit, what a model community... (...) These Three Persons, perfectly distinct, do not fail to be united and to act in the same nature, in the same thought and in the same will and in the same activity, and thus constitute one adorable perfect society...
So I will endeavour to reproduce and perfect in myself and in others, especially in those who are entrusted to me, this unity of the Three Divine Persons in the unity of the same thought and the same will of God; to relish the same things in the same Spirit. (St Michael Garicoits - M 930)

“May they be one in us ! (...) And they will be one heart and one soul, constantly, without anything being able to separate us. All one in the Father and the Son: how perfect; how happy. It is what will be given us in the future life. But what we must begin here below by the sincerity of our harmony. A curse on any spirit of trouble or division! Spirit of peace and union, come down and stay with us. (St Michael Garicoits - M 723)

Narratio… As I was reflecting about this text my memories went back to my novitiate life, when my novice master Fr Enrico Frigerio Scj shared about the above texts. All of us are parts of Christ’s Body. The way the human body gives unity to all its component parts is the way Christ, as the unifying principle of his Church, gives unity to all Christians in his body. The religious community is the model for this because its members share the life of the Risen Lord with the same mind and spirit. Today as I live in community, I personally feel that none of us can live good Christian life without joining hands with and working with the other members of the community.

If I hurt my hand, my whole body feels the pain; for my hand is one with my body; if my eye sees a blow about to be directed against the ear, the eye does not say, ‘‘it is not going to strike me and therefore I need not worry’’. As a matter of fact, the eye does seek to prevent injury to the ear, for both are one because they are parts of the same organism. Likewise as we live together, we should work for the betterment of the community with one mind and spirit as the unity of the three divine persons in unity of thought and the will of God; to relish things in the same spirit (m.930). To live in community we need this unity, understanding and acceptance. But whenever we face tragedies, failures, accusation, problems, we try to avoid them, and to become isolated or independent from the community. It is because we all are clever with our head rather than the heart.

During my novitiate class on how to become a balanced person, Fr Biju Paul Alappatt scj commented about this. Of course there was a time when the world was considered to be ruled by the head. A person who had a high level of intelligence (IQ) and used it efficiently would be a successful person. Today the whole world, including the world of multinationals, recognises the importance of the heart for increasing the efficacy of persons as well as institutions. Today everyone looks for persons who posses high levels of emotional intelligence (EQ) and are able to utilise it in their relationships and in the pursuit of their goals. Affective maturity is no more seen as a desirable item but something very necessary for becoming an effective, loving and holy person, priest or religious. To this we need to add spiritual intelligence (SQ) whereby an intellectually balanced and psychologically matured person opens oneself to God’s power of transforming love.

During my formators Course an insight was given to me by my spiritual director when I went for my Vocational Growth Sessions (VGS), if you are able to accept your hurt feelings you can make them into a precious pearl in your life. He said:

There was once an oyster, who found that some sand had got into his shell, it was only a grain, but it gave him a great pain. Now did he berate the harsh workings of fate that had brought him to such a deplorable state? Did he curse at the government, cry for election and claim that the sea should have given him protection? No, he said to himself as he lay on a shell: ‘’ since I cannot remove it, I shall try to improve it.”

Now the years have rolled around as the years always do. And he came to his ultimate destiny - in the stew and the same grain of sand, which had bothered him, so… was transformed into a beautiful pearl all richly aglow.
The oyster sailed through its life carrying a grain of sand and producing a beautiful pearl.

When I went to France for the preparation for the final Profession, I was happy to discover that may name Biju, pronounced ‘Bijou’ (in French) meant Jewel or little pearl. I knew it was a hard work for me to reach to that stage. That year of preparation helped me to understand better, how to grow in my community life integrating other cultures and adjusting to the different situations.

At every stage of our formation life we encounter good times as well as tough times. In this long journey we hold on to power, prestige, relationships that come into our life from God’s goodness. We realize that our anger, jealousy, indifference, hatred, unforgiveness do us no good. We also realize that the process of ‘letting go’ of all those things that reduce our values in our life is a painful process. We do know that God’s grace, support and guidance from others and our cooperation enable us to ‘let go’ and discover great treasures, those fine pearls of love, kindness, patience, endurance, humility so on.

There is an inner urge and deep longing to produce those pearls and do our best to possess them. Every visit of our Regional Superior Fr.Austin Hughes Scj, really strengthened my personal life and the community of Maria Kripa. I always appreciate the prayer he often says: ‘’God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change . Courage to change the things I can , and the wisdom to know the difference’’ . In the community life we are indeed very precious as God has brought us together and we reflect His glory. In every event of our life when cooperate with His grace we produce fine pearls of great values.

In the human body, if the tongue tastes something sweet, the whole body rejoices. When I think about the value of Availability, always I am inspired by a Fulton J.Sheen’s article, In the fullness of time: Let a speck of dust enter the eye and at once the hand flies up to minister. Let a person slip in the street and strain his foot and the other foot will do double duty all the way home. If a person burns his face, doctors would graft skin from another part of his body and apply it to his face. If a person is suffering from anaemia, doctors will transfuse blood from another member of society to that weak individual to cure him of that anaemic condition. “If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honoured , all rejoice together with him” (1 Cor 12:26). We should be available to any situation in the community because God works through our hands, and through our heart.

To reach this stage it takes many years of formation. I was ordained after twelve years of formation. People often wonder and ask why so many years of formation to become an ordained priest? I remember the insight about the Chinese bamboo tree:

After the seed is planted, you see nothing, absolutely nothing for four years except for a tiny shoot coming out of a bulb. During those four years all the growth is underground in a massive fibrous root structure that spreads deep and wide in the earth. But in the fifth year the Chinese bamboo tree grows up to eighty feet.

This is about a small plant. Then what about the human being: he or she needs to undergo real transformation. If one keeps a long face and withdraws from community activities he causes a real pain to the others in the community. Like a potter, as Jesus shaped his disciples he can also shape us if we allow him.

I recall with immense joy and gratitude the grace given to me to be part of the family of Betharram, work in the formation of the Sacred Heart vicariate of India, under the guidance of Fr Biju Paul Alappat Scj (Vicariate Superior of India). The upmost priority is given to the personal accompaniment of those in formation to understand one’s own feelings and help them to reach their goal and the right decision.

By choosing religious and priestly way of life I had a strong desire and determination to develop a deeper intimacy with God. I thought I had completely allowed God to be the God of my life with my final Profession and Priestly Ordination. At the beginning of my priestly life, I attended a three-year formator course and vocational growth sessions (VGS) on a regular basis. I became aware of my own limitations which hinder me to reach the goal of total union with God. I discovered my dissonant needs such as depending on appreciation, self righteous attitudes and many more. The more I came in touch with myself , the more I felt worthless. The sessions helped me at the end to understand what I am and what I ought to become. My life as a religious and a priest leads me to live a life of holiness only as far as there is transparency and openness in my own life with God, others and myself.

Community of Mangalore

I thank my parents, my family, my Religious Aunts belonging to the order of Mother Theresa sisters who inspired me lot in my vocation younger age. I always remember the affectionate love given to me by Fr Xavier who is in heaven interceding for us always. I have discovered my calling, to be more kind, more compassionate, affectionate, to see my troubles as blessings, to be an adventurer, to love my work, etc. Thanks to Fr Charles Enakius, my companion priest and all the members of the community of Mariakripa for their encouragement and timely correction.

Thirteen years ago, while taking a catechism class, a small boy questioned me: how does the ‘firefly’ give out the light? I answered that I did not know what is the science behind it. The boy got up and said that we can give to others only what we have. I concluded that if I have joy, love, peace, quietness within me I am able to give it out to others. I can’t not give what I do not have. So also if I have any negativity inside me, I will be giving negativity to others. From that day onwards Epiphany has got new meaning in my life. As an enlightened Betharramite, knowing what he has within him and this awareness, will help filling ourselves with light to dispel the darkness through the sacrament of confession, reconciliation with God and man.

I would like to conclude with a prayer taken from Teilhard de Chardin: formation is a slow process and we need to be patient.

“Trust in the slow work of God. We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. We should like to skip the intermediate stages. We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new. And yet, it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability… and that it may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you. Your insights and desires mature gradually - let them grow, let them shape themselves without undue haste. Do not try to force them on as though you could do today what time ( that is to say, grace and circumstances acting on your own goodwill) will make you do tomorrow.
Only God can say what this new spirit gradually forming within you will be. Give Our Lord the benefit of your believing that onhis hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete….” Teilhard de Chardin